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[futhark]

"I'm not here right now. Just leave a message and I'll get back to you."



[ TEXT x VOICE x VIDEO x ACTION ]

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[futhark]

[ Waking at 5:40am to take shower and make breakfast for a shitton of people, and then clean whole house at 7am because it's relaxing... that's not human ]

Yeah, I'll be home in a moment.

[boneofsword]

[That's Emiya you're talking about. For him it's completely normal.]

Why don't you teleport?

TEXT > action!

[futhark]

I will, I need to just get dressed first.

[ That's the last message he sends, he gets ready soon and appears in the kitchen ]

What are you making?

[boneofsword]

[Archer doesn't even turn around. Dogs welcome him happily enough, with playful licks and wagging tails and a racket that could wake up dead.]

Irish breakfast.

[futhark]

[ How... kind. ]

....you really like doing that, don't you?

[ Cooking. Cleaning. It's not about being a proper shinki and serving the God™ Caster is pretty sure it's not included in the responsibilities of divine weapons. And if that's not it the only other option is that those chores are something dangerously close to a hobby ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer stiffens hearing the question. Then he huffs. Caster deserves a reply.]

It's relaxing. [that's probably the only admission to his likes that Caster can get. For now at least.]

[futhark]

[ So tense... ]

Not only you like it, but you also can't admit that, ha!

[boneofsword]

[Caster, be a bit nicer. It's hard not to notice that Archer is doing all the chores without complaints. Right now he thinks you're being irritating on purpose, and let's you feel his mild irritation.]

I prefer to be useful. If I also happen to enjoy that it's completely irrelevant. [that's not a point, and Archer does know.]

[futhark]

[ And he's going to brush off that irritation as if it never existed. Here's a taste of your own medicine, Archer ]

I do feel a bit better about it though. [ At least you're not doing it purely out of a sense of some weird duty- weapons don't clean houses on daily basis, there is really no obligation for going this far. But since it's a hobby... ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer can live with that. As long as you don't call him out on being the waifu.]

You're not the only one enjoying the spoils. [there's a hint of sarcasm but also fondness there. What, he can live with four dogs appreciating his cooking.]

[futhark]

[ Three dogs. Name him the fourth and you're sleeping in the woods ]

Yeah, I've noticed. [ he throws a long glance at the dogs. They shouldn't even be here, but until he seriously starts training them as guard dogs there is no real reason to kick them out ] You're spoiling them.

[boneofsword]

[Archer isn't going to say that loud. You're a hound after all.]

Heard that? [he casts a look at the dogs.] Out.

[All three dogs sigh in unison and leave with tails down.]

[futhark]

[ Impressive ]

Ah yes, the authority of the food bringer. [ He starts moving outside the kitchen ] Now if you excuse me, shower calls.

[ He didn't even get to use it after waking up because of your nagging message. ]

[boneofsword]

[When Caster is back from the shower breakfast is ready. As usual it's enough for two hungry Servants (which means enough for an army in human terms.) The dogs aren't anywhere in sight.

Archer is sitting at the table.]

Had a rough night?

[futhark]

[ This is not a breakfast, this is a feast. And it's clear from a spark in Caster's eyes that the effort is greatly appreciated ]

I've answered a follower's prayer that involved a party. It went looong into the night.

[ Which also included him losing clothes. Bachelorette's parties are wild, wild things ]

[boneofsword]

[Hey, Archer eats almost as much as Caster! They're both big eaters.]

A party, huh. Was it fun? [he asks with a small chuckle. Archer could guess that the prayer was the reason, given that he had seen Caster answering a bunch.]

[futhark]

Definitely fun, and it involved a quick lesson of modern dancing.

[ a beat ]

You probably should try it someday day

[ Having fun. Dancing, maybe. What is a morning without giving the broody shinki some shit about it ]

[boneofsword]

I can't dance.

[Archer may not remember, but he's quite sure his education lacked that part.]

So you decided to spend the night on the Near Shore?

[futhark]

That's what "lessons" are for.

[ His idea about dancing was very different until today ]

No, I somehow ended in Odin's temple. [ That "somehow" is there because it wasn't part of his original plan ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer notices the wording and starts getting a bit suspicious.]

Somehow you say.

[futhark]

[ Caster either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore the suspiciousness because he starts to eat- ]

Yeah, certain someone invited me to stay over.

[boneofsword]

And you couldn't refuse--

[Archer stops, narrowing his eyes. It suddenly clicks - he does remember the legend of Cú Chulainn and the various geiss placed upon him. Including the one where the said hero can't refuse offer of hospitality.]

You can't refuse because of the geiss, right?

[futhark]

[ Someone has done the homework it seems ]

Hospitality is a sacred thing, you know.

[ That's as close to an official "yes" as it gets ]

[boneofsword]

That's troublesome.

[Archer ponders with a frown. Of course there's no Grail War here, but such knowledge can be used to gain unfair advantage.

There may be a possible way to avoid such outcome.]

I have an offer to make - if anyone invites you to spend the night with them remember that my offer was first. So come home and sleep on my bed.

[futhark]

[ Aren't you moving fast Archer? Playing along this is almost becoming funny ]

You'd need to make that offer literally every day, and I'd have to abide it and kick you out of bed for a night.